Lighthearted Health Enthusiasts Pillows

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"I have to get down to 125 pounds before I go back to my real gym."

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

'GM apples prevent Migraine'

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"He looks so much like his dad."

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

'I'm not sure how to break this to you all... the Atkins diet is back.'

'Good lord, Mrs. Frost, how long has he been running a fever?!'

'How could I have missed these? I took a multivitamin.'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

'Like it? It's my digital vest, it calculates calories, portions and price per pound!'

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

"GP or chemist? To be on the safe side let's go to A and E."

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

Eskimo to one with huge whale: 'You're sure it's all good cholesterol?'

Stay away from Pigs.

Lard Lite - Marketing

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."

'Medical researcher have isolated the gene that makes us want to discuss our ailments with anyone we meet.'

God: 'Man has dominion over fish...beasts...and germs have dominion over man.'

My doctor recommended exercise to slim down and orange juice for the vitamins. A weight and C approach!

"Nice try, buy candy corn is not a vegetable."

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

Married people live longer

"Sorry about the long wait, but good news. Other than long waits in waiting rooms, I can't find any other causes for your irritability."