Health Enthusiast With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"Please don't give out fruit this Halloween! The neighborhood blog is still laughing at last year's Vampire Veggie tray!"

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

'Good morning Walters, I see you've mad a speedy recovery from your bout with smallpox!'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'