Health Nut With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

'Hey guys, there's a puddle of sick over there, if you fancy some fruit and veg.'

'He'll eat green vegetables... but only with chocolate syrup on them.'

'They tired to put healthy snacks in the vending machines but the rotting food slows productivity!'

'The law requires me to inform you that everything you've ordered may be hazardous to your health.'

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

Free Range Chickens

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

'Good morning Walters, I see you've mad a speedy recovery from your bout with smallpox!'

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"