Humor-loving Health Nuts Pillows

"My New Year's resolution is to get fit and watch more TV."

Diet.

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'Good lord, Mrs. Frost, how long has he been running a fever?!'

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

Tangled facing dog...

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

'I'll take #1.'

Lard Lite - Marketing

"C'mon, walk it off!"

'The only thing wrong with you is that you're holding up my golf game.'

"I remember the days of skim, 1% and even 2%. Now, it's right to the whole milk section."

"You're getting too much fiber."

"Does this antibiotic go better with a white wine, or red?"

'They worry about their cholesterol, but they don't give a damn about ours!'

While singing the popular song, Clay was disturbed to discover that his thigh bone wasn't connected to his hip bone, that it was, in fact, connected to nothing.

The big bad wolf uses an inhaler before he blows down the three little pigs' straw house.

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

Clown with balloons to diabetic: 'Hey, could you take your shot over there?'

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."

"Feel free to imagine you might have any of the conditions you read about in the magazines."

"It wasn't really insulin. You don't have diabetes yet. It was just a warning shot."