Humor-loving Health Nuts Pillows

"My New Year's resolution is to get fit and watch more TV."

Diet.

Yoga vs. Prosecco

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'Good lord, Mrs. Frost, how long has he been running a fever?!'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

Tangled facing dog...

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

'I'll take #1.'

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

Lard Lite - Marketing

'The only thing wrong with you is that you're holding up my golf game.'

"C'mon, walk it off!"

"Does this antibiotic go better with a white wine, or red?"

'They worry about their cholesterol, but they don't give a damn about ours!'

"I remember the days of skim, 1% and even 2%. Now, it's right to the whole milk section."

"You're getting too much fiber."

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

While singing the popular song, Clay was disturbed to discover that his thigh bone wasn't connected to his hip bone, that it was, in fact, connected to nothing.

The big bad wolf uses an inhaler before he blows down the three little pigs' straw house.

'The bad news is you've got something no one's ever heard of...the good news is we're naming it after you!'

"Feel free to imagine you might have any of the conditions you read about in the magazines."

With exercise equipment, it goes on layaway after I buy it.

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."

Clown with balloons to diabetic: 'Hey, could you take your shot over there?'

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

"Of course our products are absolutely safe!