Lighthearted Aging Gifts

"Happy birthday. In your honor we're offering a two-for-one special."

At the 2021 Religious Games

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Push for Disco...

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

Going Down?

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"On second thoughts, I'll have it stirred, not shaken."

When her hex on ageing failed, Grizelda opted for the mobility - broom.

Mirror mirror...

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"Bear in mind there are three laws in this gym we cannot ignore: health, safety and gravity."

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

An old lady has her varicose veins tattooed to look like plants

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

'I had multiple personalities.'

"It turns out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

'I see you've been chasing parked cars again. Wanna talk about it?'

'She's determined to grow old gracefully.'

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

"There ain't enough room in this here town for two arthritics, stranger..."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."