Lighthearted Aging Gifts

"Happy birthday. In your honor we're offering a two-for-one special."

At the 2021 Religious Games

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Push for Disco...

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Going Down?

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

"Bear in mind there are three laws in this gym we cannot ignore: health, safety and gravity."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

When her hex on ageing failed, Grizelda opted for the mobility - broom.

Mirror mirror...

"On second thoughts, I'll have it stirred, not shaken."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

'I had multiple personalities.'

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

An old lady has her varicose veins tattooed to look like plants

'I see you've been chasing parked cars again. Wanna talk about it?'

'She's determined to grow old gracefully.'

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."