Light-hearted Parenting Gifts

Child watering the flowers (urinating).

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

Get crazy once in a while

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

Half-A**ed Publishing Presents...

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

Husband and Child in Pram

'You can stop looking-I just remembered I didn't wear my retainer today. Funny, huh?'

"What did you learn in school today that I'd object to?"

"No, I thought YOU put the picnic basket in the car."

"We don't have a time-out chair in our Classroom Community, that's our mindfulness chair."

'Tell dad he did a lousy paint job.'

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

'It appears that your son's problems stem from attention deficit disorder.'

Golf ball escaping.

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'He has so much stuff, toys and gadgets so now we punish him by sending him to our room.'

'Dads On Steroids' Dad swung his child through fence accidentally.

Why as a general rule Pastors are not allowed to help on building work days.

"He's complaining of chest pain, shortness of breath, cramps and dizziness. Do you sell earplugs?"

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obediance School instead...'

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

'He came back home. Ran out of money.'

' That's the first time we've had fireworks in the bedroom! '

"It's just the virtue signal - unfortunately, it doesn't do much."

"Nature, nurture or a bit of both?"

'A-D-D...are these your grades or your diagnosis?'