Lighthearted Fellow Parent Gifts

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'I must be going through a mid-life crisis.'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

Shall I be mother?

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

Husband and Child in Pram

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

"Have you been bathing in moonlight?"

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'I don't know what these dots are ... but ya mind if I connect them?'

'You can stop looking-I just remembered I didn't wear my retainer today. Funny, huh?'

'Please feel free to tell me if Junior is in your way...'

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

"No, I thought YOU put the picnic basket in the car."

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

'Tell dad he did a lousy paint job.'

Mobile Phone Mobile.

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

I'm going to have a baby girl soon. What's a good name for a baby girl, Randy? Wait … you're going to have a what? Tell me you didn't just say what I think you said, little buddy. I'm going to have a baby girl. Met a lady, we fell in love, got married, and now we're going to have a baby girl. Wait ... you're talking about some video game, aren't you? I'm thinking of naming her SIMantha, but that might bee too obvious.

'We just have to stop meeting like this!'

Our Yuppie Dad

'Wow! I'm a dog person too!'

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

"No. I have the baby."