Light-hearted Parents Gifts

'You can stop looking-I just remembered I didn't wear my retainer today. Funny, huh?'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

'The kids were so sweet...'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

'Baby's first two-step.'

"See what happens when you go swimming after eating!"

'I must be going through a mid-life crisis.'

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

"He looks just like your husband."

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

Children's Nursery

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

The inventor of the Slip 'n Slide becomes a father.

'Mom can I have another apple?'

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'Go forth and multiply!'

"It took the better part of seventeen years, but you finally get me."

Half-A**ed Publishing Presents...

Husband and Child in Pram

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

"So, Mrs. Fessler, I understand you're a stand-up comic."

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

"Look what I found in the garage! My old music speakers!"

'He has my eyes and his father's neck tie.'