Light-hearted Parenting Tales Gifts

'He came back home. Ran out of money.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

Husband and Child in Pram

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'You can stop looking-I just remembered I didn't wear my retainer today. Funny, huh?'

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

'The baby cut a tooth today.'

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

Mobile Phone Mobile.

'Tell dad he did a lousy paint job.'

'How are the quadruplets?'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'We just have to stop meeting like this!'

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

"It's too hot to strive for autonomy."

'Come on. You've been nursing that pint for hours!'

"Here's 15 cents. I assume you'll go into debt one day putting me through college, so this will take some of the guilt off my conscience."

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

"I want something that will make my kids notice me. Do you have anything that smells like a phone?"

'How's my son? He swallowed 50p?'

"Listen, kid...I'm doing you a favor... Don't call here again for at least another 10 years."

'A-D-D...are these your grades or your diagnosis?'