Light-hearted Exerciser Gifts

'...Then touch your toes twenty times.'

Exercising

Fast Food Dieter

'He's very particular about how far we walk.'

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

A hunchback rings bells in a gym while other guys pull weights

Fitness in church.

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

A powerful tennis serve loosens the strings of a tennis racquet.

"How about you try pushing off with your other leg for a change?"

"How long is this hole!! 540 metres!! I'll need a car to drive that far!!"

"Man, that instructor kicked my butt today."

Gym. It took him forever to find one with a cup holder. Beer.

"Athlete? No. Ambulance chaser."

An overweight lazy man chooses to exercise on a motorbike at a gym.

"Year, I get a real workout with this exercise equipment. . . I'm constantly moving it out of my way!"

"Next bench is four steps."

Dog on skates.

'You didn't train for this marathon, did you?'

"See, you just turn it on and stand here and it slides you right to the shirt you want to wear."

Walk right in. Sit right down.

"He's out jogging."

Father Christmas lifting presents as a workout.

'I wasn't walking, officer. I was jogging.'

"Today, we examined our life styles, we evaluated our diet and our exercise program, and we also assessed our behavioral patterns. Then we felt we needed a drink."

Exercise Classes for the over 60s - Pottering 8pm.

Welcome To I'll-Start-Tomorrow-Cise!

"And for exercise, I walk around the block a few times every day."

I closed all my rings yesterday, Randy! What do you mean? On my Apple Watch. If you move enough, stand enough and work out enough during the day, colorful rings close on the watch face. I see. Impressive, little buddy. What'd you do, go for a long run? Do 100 situps? An hour of cardio? Fun fact, totally not related: If the watch notices you're not moving, standing or working out it lowers the amount of time it takes to close the rings. Less impressive.

"Brace yourself!"

'I get enough exercise at work. I'm a mailman.'

We're thinking about taking a dance class. You two should join us. How about square dancing? Not with this physique. You can't stick a round body into a square dance. Maybe salsa dancing? No, whenever I do anything with salsa I get a big mess. Ballet is also on our list. That's absurd. I'll tiptoe around that idea. And there's belly dancing! No, thanks, I get plenty of belly dancing every time I go up or down the stairs.

I asked Lance if he's into Pilates. He said yes, which I found surprising but encouraging. Then he went on to say that he liked his Pilates with butter, parsley and sour cream, and I realized that he was confusing Pilates with pierogies.

Some exercise program - he power walks to snack machine!