Light-hearted Runner Gifts

'I wasn't walking, officer. I was jogging.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

Get crazy once in a while

Push for Disco...

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

Shoe repair

Siegfried and Roy - grand re-opening.

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

Preachers with far too much input

A powerful tennis serve loosens the strings of a tennis racquet.

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

Soho walking society

Olympic Sabbath Torch.

'...Then touch your toes twenty times.'

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

"It's only a 2-k race, but in the 10 years we've sponsored it, nobody's ever finished."

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

"Your performance review will be done with the help of a co-host to lighten the mood a little."

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

'Good morning, Doctor! I wonder if you'd mind taking a look at this pup.'

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

Why as a general rule Pastors are not allowed to help on building work days.

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

'You wobbled his knees! Hit him again! Hit him again!'

Golf ball escaping.

Bus stop and reader

'When I get the clumsies, switch me to a sippy-cup.'

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obediance School instead...'

"Calm down! You're such a worryguts...!!"

"Wrong hole!"

"Don't eat so fast"