Light-hearted Runner Pillows

'I wasn't walking, officer. I was jogging.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

Get crazy once in a while

Push for Disco...

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

Shoe repair

Siegfried and Roy - grand re-opening.

"This may seem counter intuitive, but maybe the solution is to lighten up."

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

Preachers with far too much input

A powerful tennis serve loosens the strings of a tennis racquet.

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

Soho walking society

Olympic Sabbath Torch.

'...Then touch your toes twenty times.'

'I'm looking for something not too heavy.'

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

"It's only a 2-k race, but in the 10 years we've sponsored it, nobody's ever finished."

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

Why as a general rule Pastors are not allowed to help on building work days.

Golf ball escaping.

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

'Good morning, Doctor! I wonder if you'd mind taking a look at this pup.'

'You wobbled his knees! Hit him again! Hit him again!'

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

"Don't eat so fast"

"Calm down! You're such a worryguts...!!"

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obediance School instead...'

'When I get the clumsies, switch me to a sippy-cup.'

Bus stop and reader

"Wrong hole!"

"Wait - leave it on."