Lighthearted Runner Pillows

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Laughing Zone Ahead

Make your resolutions achievable.

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

A Dragon has a picnic with a Maiden.

A powerful tennis serve loosens the strings of a tennis racquet.

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

'...Then touch your toes twenty times.'

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'Frankly, I don't remember why I called this meeting.'

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

"It's only a 2-k race, but in the 10 years we've sponsored it, nobody's ever finished."

'Good news, folks - no attack today!'

Wheels for all purposes.

'Good morning, Doctor! I wonder if you'd mind taking a look at this pup.'

Pigeon Breeders' Association.

'Sorry we're late, we lost three days following one of those Chinese lanterns.'

"Call me!"

'I wasn't walking, officer. I was jogging.'

"Could you supersize these grades, Ms. Bain?"

'When you get closed down I'd be willing to take any dirty books off your hands.'

Bumper Car Police Chase.

"The vasectomy clinic? Go past the barbers, left at the scissor factory, cut through the bollards and it's opposite the sewing machine shop."

'The store was out of light bulbs, so I got lite beer instead.'

Ratted!

Dancing Queen

"Looks like the trains aren't running again."

Greetings cards

Golf mole