Light-hearted Conflict Pillows

'Something's bothering you, isn't it, Carol?'

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Get crazy once in a while

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

Preachers with far too much input

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

Man and Women in a Boxing Ring

"It's face painting Friday."

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

"Hemorrhoids. Any other questions?!"

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

Golf ball escaping.

"Excuse me...is there a dressing room with a slimming mirror and soft light..."

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

The Red Cat: Beagle's About/Plate of Feud/Peer Group.

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'You wobbled his knees! Hit him again! Hit him again!'

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

Blower wars.

Transporting helium balloons in mid air.

War artists.

'I wasn't walking, officer. I was jogging.'

"Wrong hole!"

Angel kicked out of heaven, sent to Hell, on basis of 'creative differences.'

Eight nights of excuses

"Wait - leave it on."

Cat says to cat using a computer: 'Are you causing trouble in those dog chat-rooms again?'

6 Yard Dash with only three competitors.

"Leave it, Cedric! - It's always the same; you have a few drinks and all you want to do is take the world on. . .!"

'When he said he loved going to Wendy's, I just assumed fast food...'