Comedic Conflict Lover Pillows

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

After the gun ban, the guys still liked to go out and horse around on weekends.

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Loggerheads

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

"Sales rep from Milton Keynes? You prove he no British spymaster who sent you on secret mission to Bananastan?"

'Until you remember where you put the ladder, be quiet!'

Man and Women in a Boxing Ring

"Good news, honey - I've been fired. We're rich."

'I didn't recognize your old boyfriend at first. He's got a new car.'

'OK, pal, you've called me a little shrimp for the last time - let's see what you're made of!'

Blower wars.

"Sorry, my mum asked me to babysit my brother at the last minute..."

Police taking pizzas from crashed pizza delivery bike.

'A family car trip.' 'Contents Under Pressure.'

"I'm alright, it's my hair...I need more hairspray."

'We can learn a lot about motivation for sports psychology.'

'Listen, no tantrums, we are going to my mother's!'

Lone traveller is befriended by tourist from hell.

"You and I lack a basic understanding."

"Mom! My laundry is ready!"

Angel kicked out of heaven, sent to Hell, on basis of 'creative differences.'

Racing road signs

Ed uses comb-overs on his bald spots.

"But will they cover the spread?"

". . . And, Reggie, if you're willing to give me one more chance, I promise never to flirt with another man again!"

Two men arguing on a train journey

"I don't care if it is your job. If you issue me with that ticket, don't bother coming home tonight!"

Workers in Hazmat suits make sweets

"I warned you not to do Jeff Koons."

'Say you're sorry and promise to give him a rossette.