Comedic Confrontation Enthusiast Pillows

'Hey, stupid! Don't start something you can't finish!'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Loggerheads

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

Man and Women in a Boxing Ring

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

'Yeah, Kirby, it hurts like hell, but dang if I can't stop wigglin' it.'

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

'OK, pal, you've called me a little shrimp for the last time - let's see what you're made of!'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

Blower wars.

Eskimo in Igloo

"Baldo, this is Humberto...he moved to the United States last month?"

'He doesn't like to be called an Optometrist. He prefers the title 'Visionary'!'

'This is what happens when you try to blow out that many candles.'

"What makes you think I'm pregnant?"

Hmmm, this reminds me...your mother called last night.

'...and finally I'd just like to thank my plastic surgeon for giving me these puppies.'

"Also, this apartment comes with easy access to the stray cats in the alley."

Two men arguing on a train journey

'We're looking for somewhere with some character and class... somewhere like Barnsley.'

"Joe's trying to get around the smoking ban."

"I'd like to buy you flowers. Can I borrow your credit card?"