Light-hearted Conflict Gifts

'Something's bothering you, isn't it, Carol?'

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"This stool shall pass."

Get crazy once in a while

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

Preachers with far too much input

Man and Women in a Boxing Ring

"It's face painting Friday."

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

"Hemorrhoids. Any other questions?!"

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

"Excuse me...is there a dressing room with a slimming mirror and soft light..."

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

Golf ball escaping.

Blower wars.

'... and do you, Linda, promise to look up the word 'fellatio' in the dictionary?'

The Red Cat: Beagle's About/Plate of Feud/Peer Group.

'You wobbled his knees! Hit him again! Hit him again!'

Transporting helium balloons in mid air.

War artists.

Angel kicked out of heaven, sent to Hell, on basis of 'creative differences.'

"Wrong hole!"

'I wasn't walking, officer. I was jogging.'

Eight nights of excuses

Cat says to cat using a computer: 'Are you causing trouble in those dog chat-rooms again?'

"Wait - leave it on."

"Leave it, Cedric! - It's always the same; you have a few drinks and all you want to do is take the world on. . .!"

6 Yard Dash with only three competitors.

'...Oh, and I bought some new smalls in town...'