Lifestyle Jokers Pillows

"I hate my gym."

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"I'm putting myself through med school by waiting tables. I'll be back shortly to take your blood pressure."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

Artist Painting his Television.

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"But is it Organic?"

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

Fairy Tales in Pandemic Time

"A lifetime of illicit substance abuse, chain-smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and eating nothing but crap . . . and you have the nerve to tell me I'm dying of 'natural causes!'"

I need something to hold my tummy in

'This is a magnificent restaurant. Which fork should I use to comb my hair?'

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

How's the diet going? - 'The first 8 minutes has been tough.' - 'How come?' - 'I had to skip my pre-mid morning post-mini-brunch snack.' - 'I don't think I can take it anymore...' - 'Hang in there, big guy...' -

"I'm off early, hoping to spend a quiet evening with the kids."

Large man and pregnant woman wearing tee shirts. The pregnant woman's reads: Baby. The large man's reads: Pies.

'Great, more trans-fats and cholesterol!'

"I'm not ready for a big commitment. Could I just pal around with a sidewalk a little?"

'I can tell when it's getting close to New Year's.. my liver starts to quiver.'

I'm feeling a bit sluggish to tell you the truth!

"Was it something I said?"

Dried Herbs

Lager drinker and a vegetarian eating together.

"Great spot, Al. I didn't know there was anyplace left that permitted cigar smoking naked."

"...Who ordered the ham and cheese on banana bread?"

Circular Walk.

'I was placed under house arrest for not doing housework.'