Lifestyle Humor Pillows

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

Dang! My shorts are riding up on me again!

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Goodnight Social Media.

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

Late Bloomers

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

Renaissance Zone

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

T-Shirts. Just do it. Just watch it.

'This is a magnificent restaurant. Which fork should I use to comb my hair?'

"Yes, dear, we're caught in a cycle...but you can hardly call it a vicious cycle."

"I thought we agreed no midnight snacks?"

"In my day we had trimphones."

"A lifetime of illicit substance abuse, chain-smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and eating nothing but crap . . . and you have the nerve to tell me I'm dying of 'natural causes!'"

'Sure I eat three desserts but each trip I put only one dessert on my plate. That way I walk off the calories.'

American 'Idle'.

Lager drinker and a vegetarian eating together.

"Great spot, Al. I didn't know there was anyplace left that permitted cigar smoking naked."

"No, he hasn't lost weight. It's the size he expects to be in next year."

"I love bonfires. Thanks to all the junk mail I get, I have one everyday."

'That's the thing when you start living with someone - you discover all of their little habits.'

"I hate my gym."

'It's a costume play - the men are wearing ties!'

'I've lost the will to die.'

'Dear, it's better to light a candle than curse the nation's crumbling electrical grid.'