Healthy Lifestyle Humorist Pillows

'Sure I eat three desserts but each trip I put only one dessert on my plate. That way I walk off the calories.'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

"I thought we agreed no midnight snacks?"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Lactose Intolerant

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"Gesundheit!"

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

My Dream Valentine

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."