Healthy Lifestyle Comedian Pillows

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

Health

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

T-shirt reads: 'No Pain, No Pain.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

Snowman with big carrot nose to one with small carrot nose: 'I'd increase your beta carotene.'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"One slice—hold the bread."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"Eat lots of carrots."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

Formally foods that were good for you.

"The doctor said I've got 'texter's slump'."

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

"Thank God!"

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."