Healthy Lifestyle Comedian Gifts

Halt! What? What'd I do? Did you order a non-fat latte? Yeah, so? Then you poured in a heap of half-and-half. Well, I

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

Health

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

T-shirt reads: 'No Pain, No Pain.'

Snowman with big carrot nose to one with small carrot nose: 'I'd increase your beta carotene.'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

410 BC: The Roman empire begins its slide into decadence.

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"Eat lots of carrots."

Spanx Tells Me No

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

"You forgot my Diet Cola."