Healthy Living Humorist Pillows

'Having to eat broccoli twice a week is not child abuse.'

'The doctor said I need more calcium in my diet, so I'm switching from dark chocolate to milk chocolate.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'We've given up sugar in tea,coffee and puddings.'

Fridge with sign - 'Contents may not be suitable for those with weight problems'.

Health

'Ma'am, please step on the scale so I can give you your menu options.'

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Lactose Intolerant

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"Gesundheit!"

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

My Dream Valentine

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'