Life Humor Pillows

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"The couch hates me Jane!"

Peter

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

"Mom said I can't watch TV until you finish my homework."

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

'I think this mother might prefer a different planter.'

"You missed breakfast and lunch and haven't left your bed so it's not worth you getting up now. Good night!"

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

Eat your vegetables

'If you're such a great dad, how come I never see you on TELEVISION?'

Even before we began to order in, my dad was always keen to skip the dishes!

'Let's go upstairs and make love. I can't do both.'

"75"

Rocket charmer.

"I agree, it's a real worry. We may have to consider limiting her screen time."

"I told you a pet is a lot of responsibility. Now, take your balloon dog out for some air."

'I'm bored.'

Meat. No, I have no idea what the heck you just shoved in your mouth, I'm giving away toothpicks. Free samples.

"Please stop using the phrase, 'I wasn't born yesterday'."

'Can I have a glass of water?'

Motherhood in its simplest form.