Life Humor Pillows

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"The couch hates me Jane!"

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"Mom said I can't watch TV until you finish my homework."

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

"You missed breakfast and lunch and haven't left your bed so it's not worth you getting up now. Good night!"

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

'I think this mother might prefer a different planter.'

Even before we began to order in, my dad was always keen to skip the dishes!

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

'If you're such a great dad, how come I never see you on TELEVISION?'

"75"

Rocket charmer.

'Let's go upstairs and make love. I can't do both.'

Eat your vegetables

"I agree, it's a real worry. We may have to consider limiting her screen time."

"I told you a pet is a lot of responsibility. Now, take your balloon dog out for some air."

'I'm bored.'

Motherhood in its simplest form.

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

'Can I have a glass of water?'

Castle with parking lot.