Life Humorists Pillows

"Happy anniversary, dear. I never expected us to last this long!"

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

Grimm's Reality Tales.

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

"The couch hates me Jane!"

Peter

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

'If I got the job as a sales manager here at Zenadine, I would probably straggle in around 10, then surf the Net for a while, do a crossword...'

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

"My wife is about to have a baby, so I was wondering if you could make me work late for the next eighteen years or so."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'Henderson! Have you been drinking again?'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

Ant Drones

'I think this mother might prefer a different planter.'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

"You missed breakfast and lunch and haven't left your bed so it's not worth you getting up now. Good night!"

"He and I connected physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, humorously, technologically, and self-destructively."

"When my grandad retired you got a gold watch, I was told I could pop back and ask the time when they weren't too busy for me."

Rocket charmer.

"We have big news!"

Scooting Death

Cleaner, scrubs floor with her name plate in front of her.

"75"

Eat your vegetables