Life Humorists Gifts

"Happy anniversary, dear. I never expected us to last this long!"

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

Grimm's Reality Tales.

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"The couch hates me Jane!"

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

"My wife is about to have a baby, so I was wondering if you could make me work late for the next eighteen years or so."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'Henderson! Have you been drinking again?'

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

Ant Drones

'I think this mother might prefer a different planter.'

"You missed breakfast and lunch and haven't left your bed so it's not worth you getting up now. Good night!"

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

Scooting Death

Rocket charmer.

"Hayward and his whole deal have just been dumped in my lap."

"He and I connected physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, humorously, technologically, and self-destructively."

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

Even before we began to order in, my dad was always keen to skip the dishes!

"When my grandad retired you got a gold watch, I was told I could pop back and ask the time when they weren't too busy for me."

Cleaner, scrubs floor with her name plate in front of her.

"We have big news!"