Lifeguard Humorist Pillows

'Hold you horses! I'm just getting to the good part!'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

'No swimming. No breathing.'

"Ooooh, I bet that feels nice."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Baby on board.

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

Man is caught swimming on an inflable float in a moat by the knights.

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"We first met on the beach. He was a lifeguard and I was a poor swimmer."

Saved...life is good!

"We're here to recharge our batteries."

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

'Swimming is the healthiest sport. . . Because it's the only one where you can't smoke while you're doing it.'

Swimming Prankster

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

'This seashell does not sound like the ocean... It sounds like someone yelling 'Look out!''

S.P.F. 1,000

'You don't think you're just a tad overprotective?'

Lifesaver!

'Relax, dude - I got your back.'

Guide fish.

"I said, 'I'm not on duty! I just came back to get my flip-flops.'"

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu

I told you not to swim out to far

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

Fishy tail.

The grim reaper racing a lifeboat to reach a drowning man

"We've got a problem."

Spring Break.

Haywatch

Resusci Annie takes a well-earned vacation.

"From downtown...the shark scores!"