Lifeguard Humorist Gifts

'Hold you horses! I'm just getting to the good part!'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

'No swimming. No breathing.'

"Ooooh, I bet that feels nice."

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

'Swimming is the healthiest sport. . . Because it's the only one where you can't smoke while you're doing it.'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Saved...life is good!

'This seashell does not sound like the ocean... It sounds like someone yelling 'Look out!''

Swimming Prankster

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

"We're here to recharge our batteries."

"We first met on the beach. He was a lifeguard and I was a poor swimmer."

S.P.F. 1,000

'You don't think you're just a tad overprotective?'

Lifesaver!

Guide fish.

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu

'Relax, dude - I got your back.'

"I said, 'I'm not on duty! I just came back to get my flip-flops.'"

I told you not to swim out to far

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

Haywatch

Spring Break.

"We've got a problem."

Fishy tail.

Whale-to-whale resuscitation