Lifeguard Pillows

Whale-to-whale resuscitation

So, I'm the only one who sees a conflict of interest here?

"We're encouraging people to become involved in their own rescue."

S.P.F. 1,000

"Under new business: Peterson, at Hammond Point Beach, reports that a person in the water is flailing about and calling for help. Peterson wants to know what action, if any, he should take."

'You don't think you're just a tad overprotective?'

One bucket in, one bucket out.

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

"Remain calm and list your goals in order of priority."

'This pool's no fun - all they let you do is swim.'

Thank you for not drowning.

'Health and safety regulations I'm afraid, sir.'

'You don't think you're just a tad overprotective?'

'Please calm down, Mam. I'm aware of the situation, and I'm doing everything I possibly can.'

L.A. Law

'Help! Lifeguard! I'm drowning in a sea of people!'

"Sharks! Hundreds of 'em! Flying sharks! Everyone out of the water! They're converging on the future!"

'Are you here about the lifeguard job?'

"I can't swim, but what does it matter? It's shallow here."

Safety Record: 452 Days without a Drowned Rat.

"It's my wife - she's trying to lure ships to their doom!"

'Oh boy, someone's in trouble!'

"Of course it's not safe. That's why I'm here."

'I wasn't drowning, I was waving!'

"How do I know you won't use this for drugs?"

'There's always one.'

Bob learned an important lesson that day. Dog helps those who help themselves.

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

Drowning Hand

Help - "What's in it for me?"

'Get lost!'

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but you'll have to put your dust jacket back on."

Pool Sample

Letching Lifeguard

Bad Lifeguard