Security Guard Humorist Pillows

Santa Claus needs secret service protection.

"You have to let me make my own mistakes."

"The big one dropped his weapon, but keep an eye on the little one. I think he's still armed."

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

Munich Security Conference

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

'Hello, security.'

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

Sweet Jailbreak

'Could you take a quick look and see if I lost a filling on the upper left row of teeth?'

"Our surveillance indicates that Earthlings have a fear of right-angled triangles."

Athlete

One lobster has another in hand cuffs.

Rollercoaster police chase.

'...One of your drones is hanging around my bee hives.'

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

Airport security - next step?

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

"Okay scouts, that ends today's online soldering session!"

Beware of the teddy

Dual Airbags

Fabric Company: No tulle left in this vehicle overnight

"No, he's not a security risk ... he just loves the pat-downs."

"I did a risk assessment of the dangers of not doing a risk assessment, and decided it wasn't worth it."

Gingerbread man in Emergency room.

'Excuse me,Sir, but me and the rest of the work force think this dress code probably violates OSHA rules.'

'They might satisfy Health and Safety, but I still think the Hi-Vis jackets send a mixed message.'

'I think the only reason my job hasn't been outsourced is because nobody knows what I do around here.'

America's Funniest Encrypted Passwords