Security Guard Humorist Pillows

Santa Claus needs secret service protection.

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

"You have to let me make my own mistakes."

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

Munich Security Conference

"The big one dropped his weapon, but keep an eye on the little one. I think he's still armed."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

'Hello, security.'

The Puck Stops Here.

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

Sweet Jailbreak

'Could you take a quick look and see if I lost a filling on the upper left row of teeth?'

"Our surveillance indicates that Earthlings have a fear of right-angled triangles."

Airport security - next step?

One lobster has another in hand cuffs.

Rollercoaster police chase.

'...One of your drones is hanging around my bee hives.'

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

Athlete

"Okay scouts, that ends today's online soldering session!"

Fabric Company: No tulle left in this vehicle overnight

Dual Airbags

Beware of the teddy

It slowly became apparent that the police interpretive dance artist was less effective than the police sketch artist.

"No, he's not a security risk ... he just loves the pat-downs."

"I did a risk assessment of the dangers of not doing a risk assessment, and decided it wasn't worth it."

Gingerbread man in Emergency room.

'Excuse me,Sir, but me and the rest of the work force think this dress code probably violates OSHA rules.'

'They might satisfy Health and Safety, but I still think the Hi-Vis jackets send a mixed message.'

'I think the only reason my job hasn't been outsourced is because nobody knows what I do around here.'