Security Staff Humorist Pillows

"This isn't about your stealing anything. It's about your not buying anything."

"I've been kept on hold so often, I'm really developing a taste for easy listening music."

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

"You have to let me make my own mistakes."

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

Munich Security Conference

"The big one dropped his weapon, but keep an eye on the little one. I think he's still armed."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

'Hello, security.'

"It happened either over the weekend or when I left the office today for lunch."

"This is a family operation, Ben, and we're evicting you from our family."

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

Sweet Jailbreak

"Our surveillance indicates that Earthlings have a fear of right-angled triangles."

'Could you take a quick look and see if I lost a filling on the upper left row of teeth?'

One lobster has another in hand cuffs.

Airport security - next step?

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

'...One of your drones is hanging around my bee hives.'

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

Rollercoaster police chase.

'Bob, you're suffering from embarrassing static cling.'

Fabric Company: No tulle left in this vehicle overnight

It slowly became apparent that the police interpretive dance artist was less effective than the police sketch artist.

"No, he's not a security risk ... he just loves the pat-downs."

Beware of the teddy

'I think the only reason my job hasn't been outsourced is because nobody knows what I do around here.'

America's Funniest Encrypted Passwords

"911? My husband's unresponsive."

"Beware of owner."

"The cash is down again. I'm beginning to suspect an inside job."

A-1 security from crime....

Warning!! Anti-Climb Paint.

Given his lack of dental insurance, Tony was initially happy with the officer of a federally subsidized cavity search.