Life Wisdom Gifts

'The secret of my old age? Simple - I haven't died yet!'

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"Feel free to take notes."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

'Oh, crap.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Aging Support Group

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I learned one thing today. Attitude trumps aptitude!"

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."