Relationship Wisdom Gifts

She better have been worth it!

Nethead strip: Psycho analyst

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

'You know too much!'

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"Sometimes I like to come here by myself and contemplate ... or just scream about you."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Harold, you've changed."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

"If you don't stop saying 'This whole game is a charade!' we're going home."

WHO checklist

Strangers. friends. Lovers. Spouse.

"Why won't you cuddle?"

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.