Family Wisdom Gifts

"If you had listened to me when you were twelve, you wouldn't be in this mess."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

Red trousers at night - shepherd's delight.

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

'It's best not to talk behind other people's back's, son. But if you must, the place to do it is in the media.'

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

"I think I'm ready to go forth and multiply."

'Except...That.'

'Dad, are we rich?'

"Gosh, before you know it they'll be all grown up and making poor decisions that you can't comment on or ever make peace with!"

"His room is always clean. Do you think we should take him to a psychologist?"

'I must be getting old. I've stopped trying to come up with ways to drive you crazy.'

"Son, as long as my lawyers can still find enough legal loopholes to get me out somehow, I don't do anything immoral."

"Go ask your mother."

"My Dad told me not to make the same mistakes he did. That doesn't leave much left!"

The widow's intended: 'Well, Tommy, has your mother told you of my good fortune.' Tommy: 'No. She only said she was going to marry you!'

'I sure wouldn't want to be MY brother's keeper!'

"Listen, Mom, I'm not your little girl anymore."

"If it's important to you, Jessica. It's important to daddy, but I don't think it's important to you."

Touring campuses with Twig was fun. Now I don't want to go back to work! Quit! I'm earning your tuition money, Teddy. Wait. You went to college to get a good job so

"Remember, money can't buy happiness...if your Mother ever asks."

'Said once, and never again!'

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."