Spiritual Wisdom Gifts

"My advice would be to minimise all social contact."

'Oh, I'm not a guru - I'm just up here to hide from the zombie apocalypse.'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

'Oh, crap.'

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"Serenity's cool and all, but when do we get to bliss?"

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"All the celebrities come here."

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

"Did you unpack your baggage yourself?"