Spiritual Wisdom Pillows

"My advice would be to minimise all social contact."

'Oh, I'm not a guru - I'm just up here to hide from the zombie apocalypse.'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"Serenity's cool and all, but when do we get to bliss?"

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

"All the celebrities come here."

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"