Spiritual Wisdom Seeker Pillows

"The Lord moves in mysterious ways."

'Oh, I'm not a guru - I'm just up here to hide from the zombie apocalypse.'

"That's not a mantra! That's a CATCHPHRASE!"

"Good game."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"Feel free to take notes."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'Do you think that's wise?'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

'Oh, crap.'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Zenemies.

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Tiny Visions

"All we have left is standing room only."