Wisdom Gifts

'Your eyesight is only 20/400, but your insight is fantastic!'

'Then, once you discover what it is you are searching for, just type it into the search engine.'

Birds: in hand - $1.50, in bush - $.75, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

'The wisdom of life is to grow older in a warm climate.'

'I'm getting older? What do you mean by that?...I want a second opinion!'

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'Life is an adventure son, so don't get bogged down with the paperwork. Unless, of course, you go into accounting. In which case, forget the whole adventure thing.'

Fountain of Youth and Fountain of Smart.

'The truth is inside of you.'

A good speech is always shorter than you audience's attention span.

"Papi! Papi! I figured it out! I know exactly what I'm gonna be when I grow up!"

W M. Beemers Adages

'It's a shame it took me so long to learn how to just enjoy being p**sed-off.'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

'The best revenge is outliving your enemies. I just wish I could remember who they were!'

"Are you too old to remember all the advice you tried to give me when I was too young to care?"

"Sorry, Tom, but when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail."

"The new year will bring more of the same... only different."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

A wife loves a double chin on hubby's ex-girlfriends.

Life begins at forty? - That's when my arthritis kicked in.

"More aphorisms, please!"

'I know, but I still hate Mondays.'

'Oh, crap.'

"Ignore everyone."

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

Guru - Truth or 'Do your own Research.'

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

Smart people learn from experience - other peoples'.

"Reject the modern world."

'Be careful what you wish for! I once wished for whiskey and women and guess what I got - Hepatic cirrhosis and syphilis!'

'Granted, it may be a half truth, but it's got all the flavor of a full one, with only half the calories!'

Drop outs are unidentified failing objects.

Gurus wise words on lost socks