Life Stage Commentator Gifts

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

Occupant.

From Here You Can See Bugger All

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"Under our new definition of 'what is a sale?', he hasn't made any this year."

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

Our Troubled Chowders

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

Title Page for 'Mrs Grundy'

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

Renaissance Zone

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

"I've been living vicariously through a really boring person."

Focus Groupies

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

"The public's taste in entertainment has certainly changed."