Comedian Of Life Stages Gifts

'I'm middle aged.' 'You'll grow out of it!'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"A raise? Unlimited free refills aren't enough for you?"

Magic Act

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'I went into hunting and gathering. And you?'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

Open entrance door to find exit door directly behind it.

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

Female nail has been hammered in. Says to male nail: 'Sorry, I have a headache.'