Letter Shredder Gifts

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

He kept up his guitar practise...

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"I was drawing a whale, but I ran out of paper."

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

The Affordable Shredder

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

'Bring me an in basket and an out basket and some paperwork to shuffle between them.'

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

"When I opened my cupboards at home they were full of junk food, when I opened my mailbox it was full of junk mail. I'm always afraid to open my portfolio balance."

Shredder.

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

Houdini's infancy.

Document Filing in the Post-Literate Era.

"I think he's going to be a bus driver - he loves cutting things up."

'You like my in-tray full, don't you?'

Recycle Station for Confidential Files

Junk Mail.

"The food in your pantry may kill you, details tonight...on Eyewitness News!"

It's not a rip in the space-time continuum, Ernie --- Just in the newspaper.

Eddie Van Halen.

"It's a 300 page government questionnaire about cutting back on bureaucracy."

Jimi Hendrix Picks A Guitar

"This cheap wine doesn't have a cork to smell, but the label is scratch and sniff."

"You're confusing me with someone else. I'm in Document Destruction and I just need to get to your shredder bin."

'The sooner you are 'discovered' the better - you're costing your Dad a fortune in electricity!'

'And all these years I just thought you were very proficient.'

Brother Ernest has been riding a skateboard for years and nobody knew!

'Cat Heaven.'

'Yes, this is actually a very bad time to call me...'

"A paperless society is fine and all, but just in case, I have a couple reams of 24lb. bond stuffed in my mattress."

'Everybody needs candy. Everybody needs stationery. Everybody needs microcomputers.'

"I'm still righting wrongs. And you?