Document Shredder Gifts

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

He kept up his guitar practise...

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"I was drawing a whale, but I ran out of paper."

Eric Clapton.

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

The Affordable Shredder

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

'Bring me an in basket and an out basket and some paperwork to shuffle between them.'

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

Houdini's infancy.

Shredder.

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

Document Filing in the Post-Literate Era.

'You like my in-tray full, don't you?'

"I think he's going to be a bus driver - he loves cutting things up."

Recycle Station for Confidential Files

It's not a rip in the space-time continuum, Ernie --- Just in the newspaper.

Eddie Van Halen.

"It's a 300 page government questionnaire about cutting back on bureaucracy."

Jimi Hendrix Picks A Guitar

Investment company offers free paper shredder.

I type 90 words per minute and shred even faster!

"Actually, investing can be very relaxing. Ever try to stay awake reading a prospectus?"

"You're confusing me with someone else. I'm in Document Destruction and I just need to get to your shredder bin."

These are the quills used to sign the Declaration of Independence! The founding feathers!

'The sooner you are 'discovered' the better - you're costing your Dad a fortune in electricity!'

'I love my shredder, they're great for bills, too.'

'And all these years I just thought you were very proficient.'

'Cat Heaven.'

"Why are we shredding this stuff?"

The only guy left who's not online.

'Yes, this is actually a very bad time to call me...'