Letter Detective Gifts

Warning! D Not Open This Letter

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'It's some more story ideas from Francis Bacon.'

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

"You can use the alphabet to text. You can use the alphabet to tweet. Why can't you use the alphabet to spell?"

Santa called but you were out!

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

A man looking into a mirror saying "HA!"; his reflection looking back at him from the mirror is saying "!AH".

'Oddly enough you're the third person to buy that today!'

'Turns out it was J K Rowling, in the drawing room, with a laptop.'

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

The evidence destroyed

Virginia could tolerate the Woolf whistles no longer

Don't tell me fibs! I know ou wrote to the Corinthians, and ya wrote to the Romans, bnot to mention to Galatians, but do you write to your mother?

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

"I have always depended on the content of strangers."

RIP William Shakespeare: To be or not to be...

"I won the spelling bee because Eddie Scott invented three letters."

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

Bibliomaniac

"It's a 12 inch chess board - the game's a foot."

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

Mysteries.

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

Shakespeare or Bacon or maybe Marlowe.

Deconstructionist girlfriend

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

Writer breaks in new electric typewriter.

'Harlow, do you wnat to be part of the problem or part of the coverup?'

'Sorry.. I don't date lower-case types.'

'Have you got any good 'whodunnits'...?'

Literary rain