Lethargic Laugh Seeker Pillows

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Bad fake tan day.

"That'll be five bucks."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

"Projectile hairballing."

"What did Jesus order?"

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

Drunk Barber

he used to belong to a cartoonist

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'When Johhny told everyone he was going to be a comedian they all laughed...'

"Hey! Get back here!"

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

"I've always wanted to do this - 'knock, knock...who's there?'"

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

Football heads...

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

Bald Man Overcomb

"Ok. . . who added the yellow?"

Comedy Store - Canned Laughter delivery.

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"You know... if we don't find some ambition we could find ourselves still just laying around years from now." "Sounds good to me!"