Legislator Gifts

'Now, where were we?...'

"The only solution I can see is to hold a series of long and costly hearings in order to put off finding a solution."

'Congress presented its report on simplifying the tax code today - it's 4,385 pages long.'

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

How a bill becomes a law today...

'Gosh, I love government, Ed. Just when you begin to lose faith in the system, along comes a fresh crop of idealistic young lawmakers with an invigorating brand of gridlock all their own!'

Welcome to Washington, D.C.!

'I prefer to call it the system of checks and balances in action, senator, not gridlock.'

'Now that we've agreed on the loopholes, should we start drafting the amendment?'

'So maybe it is feel-good legislation- What's wrong with feeling good?'

Bringing Home The Bacon

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

Will Legislate For Contributions

"Thank you, Governor - we'll take it from here."

'Of course they argue about petty things and make stupid decisions. That's why I say Congress should be a TV reality show.'

The Second Amendment - The Right of Not-TOO-Obviously Insane nut-jobs to keep and bear . . .

'Today congress passed more 'temporary measures' to get us past the expiration of 'temporary measures'...'

Right to work legislation strangles the unions.

Virginia is for Haters.

Abortion - An intensely personal medical and emotional decision that can only be made between a legislator and his political interest group.

Bureaucrats cooking up a new policy soup...

"Hang on, there's a new definition of evil."

'Okay. . . all in favour of a growing older or 'Birthday tax', please blow out the candles.'

"It's the updated version."

This year, I'm buying him a seat in the legislature.

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

Didn't Ask, Didn't Tell.

'Nice, but let's call them the 'Bill of Rights' instead of the 'Bill of Loopholes'.'

'This appears to be ironclad legislation...but nothing that a few loopholes won't cure.'

'Feel-good legislation just doesn't feel as good as it used to.'

"Actually, my political philosophy is pretty simple: 'Practice Random Gridlock and Senseless Acts of Partisanship!'"

A government of all the talents

'I could run for office, but as a lobbyist, why would I want to give up all my power?'

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

"Let's never forget that the constitution provides for three equally important branches of government; the legislative and the other two."