Legislative Learner Gifts

"Why are there two houses of congress? If at first you don't succeed, blame the other house."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

'Home Schooling'

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

'I did it all from memory.'

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

"My farewell gift!"

'Be right back -- I have to sign some ennobling legislation.'

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

"I propose legislation to simplify Brexit - the Americans are having a hard time following it."

"Leadership is about more than delegating all of your work."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Beware of the Legislation

'Miss, I think I've learnt all I can too.'

The ways and means committee reaches the tipping point.

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

'A more conservative version of the gun bill would also require a background check for all voters.'

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

Welcome to Washington, D.C.!

The Second Amendment - The Right of Not-TOO-Obviously Insane nut-jobs to keep and bear . . .

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

House vs. Senate

'Some democrats and Republicans sat together at the state of the union.'

"Welcome to Alabama. Pro-life at birth; not so much after that."

'I wouldn't put much faith into Senator Bludgeon's promise to immediately begin investigating the competition. After all, it takes 30 days just to make instant coffee in the Senate.'

"It takes a special supervisor to admit he's wrong. So far I can admit to being a special supervisor. I'm still working on the second part."