Legislative Linguist Gifts

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Thru versus Through Traffic

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"You and your, 'why bother to learn another language. Everyone in the known universe speaks, Zarconian'!"

Punctuation Police

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

What's normal?

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

'The Questioner'

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Ninedency: A budding tendency

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Let's fall in love and live in the subjunctive."

Lessons in Prehistory.

'Stick them up...'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

'She speaks 6 languages and can't say 'No' in any of them. . .'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'