Legislative Linguist Gifts

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Thru versus Through Traffic

Torturing the English Language

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"You and your, 'why bother to learn another language. Everyone in the known universe speaks, Zarconian'!"

Punctuation Police

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

What's normal?

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'The Questioner'

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

Lessons in Prehistory.

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Let's fall in love and live in the subjunctive."

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Ninedency: A budding tendency

'Stick them up...'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'There it is, 'Twerk', right next to 'Twerp'.'

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

'She speaks 6 languages and can't say 'No' in any of them. . .'