Legislative Luminary Gifts

"Negotiations are at a crucial phase. We're desperately seeking more ways to say 'no'.''

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

The Hobby Store

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

European Union: Entering a prohibitive tax zone.

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

'Be right back -- I have to sign some ennobling legislation.'

"Why do people think using big words is a bad thing?"

The Republican's Plan One: No Obama!

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

The ways and means committee reaches the tipping point.

Beware of the Legislation

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

Welcome to Washington, D.C.!

The Second Amendment - The Right of Not-TOO-Obviously Insane nut-jobs to keep and bear . . .

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

"Welcome to Alabama. Pro-life at birth; not so much after that."

What comes after a trillion

'I wouldn't put much faith into Senator Bludgeon's promise to immediately begin investigating the competition. After all, it takes 30 days just to make instant coffee in the Senate.'

Gun Control Rally

'This isn't an easy business- you have to stoop low and be high-handed at the same time.'

Roles of Government

"I don't think we can take 10,000 lakes as collateral."

'They call me the 'grandfather' of Hip-Hop!'

'Lobbyist for 'Big Sugar' is here to see you, congressman. . .'

'Some democrats and Republicans sat together at the state of the union.'