Linguistics Professor Gifts

"The most our country can give you at this time is perhaps a few more vowels."

Department of Linguistics.

Every time she bent over Ben would check out Kate's diphthong.

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Thru versus Through Traffic

Torturing the English Language

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

Punctuation Police

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"You and your, 'why bother to learn another language. Everyone in the known universe speaks, Zarconian'!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

What's normal?

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

'The Questioner'

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

"Let's fall in love and live in the subjunctive."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

Lessons in Prehistory.

"It's a play on words."

Wordplay: In The Bag.

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'