Linguistics Professor Gifts

"The most our country can give you at this time is perhaps a few more vowels."

Department of Linguistics.

Every time she bent over Ben would check out Kate's diphthong.

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Thru versus Through Traffic

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"You and your, 'why bother to learn another language. Everyone in the known universe speaks, Zarconian'!"

Punctuation Police

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

What's normal?

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

'The Questioner'

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Lessons in Prehistory.

"Oh, this old thing?"

"It's a play on words."

"Let's fall in love and live in the subjunctive."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

Ninedency: A budding tendency

Wordplay: In The Bag.

'Stick them up...'

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.