Modern Linguist Gifts

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Thru versus Through Traffic

Torturing the English Language

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"You and your, 'why bother to learn another language. Everyone in the known universe speaks, Zarconian'!"

Punctuation Police

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

What's normal?

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'The Questioner'

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"Let's fall in love and live in the subjunctive."

"It's a play on words."

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

Lessons in Prehistory.

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Ninedency: A budding tendency

'Stick them up...'

'There it is, 'Twerk', right next to 'Twerp'.'

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

'She speaks 6 languages and can't say 'No' in any of them. . .'

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'